Some emotional feelings (Lugg)

To be frank, I have been a little moody and anxious recently. There seem so many things to worry about in my life. Time flies before I am aware of it. Just in a several days time, this bridging course is going to end. What have I learnt so far? Am I better than before I came to Singapore? What the hell am I doing NOW? It seems that I have just wasted several months time without any clear plans and goals? I am always fooling around with my friends and do nothing but playing games or even just do nothing. I spent uncountable nights and weekends playing those corruptive computer games. I sank into it and I could not get the hell out of it. Now I just cannot understand. Why have I been like that? What exactly made me believe I had the right to spoil myself like that?
Anyway, now I am awake, hopefully. I don’t know how I start to be aware of the sin of my dark past. Maybe I just suddenly woke up and found out there were actually much more important things to do in my life. I am feeling regretful and I cannot forgive that I have waste so much time and so many opportunities to do those important things in my life. And now, the horrible consequences of what I did in past befall me all in a sudden. Then, I feel my world is shattered and I am not able to cope. How I wish I could go back to the beginning of the bridging course? If so, I would lead a totally different life and I would absolutely not waste any opportunities to fight for what I now deem significant in my life. I would treasure every day of my life and put all my effort to get what now I long to possess. Anyway, it is just imagination. It is like the sweetest dreams which intoxicate you and when you wake up it is a dream and nothing more. Now, I have to confront the situation. I have already lost a lot, so now I am destined to suffer. I should not complain whatever will make me painful, `cause that will benefit me. I will definitely not waste my life anymore and I will try hard to make up what I have lost until there is no hope.
Ok, I think it is enough. Perhaps it is a little surprising for you to see me being so serious. If so, just do not mind as if I was joking.