Recess week is near(Jega)

Recess week is near
Time flies! The first part of our bridging course is about to end, and recess week is just around the corner. I should be very excited and happy to realize that holidays are somewhere beside me. Yes, that’s the way in which I should think from experiences in the former years in school. I still feel that way now. But grown up, I find something in me changed. I don’t sense a thing as I used to. I think a bit more. I am not purely happy any longer. The feeling is just as if I lost something important in life. I am obvious not satisfied with my life in the past three months. I had hoped that I would know more now, but the fact is that I know not more that what was stored in my head after graduation. A lot of things happened since then. I am surely more mature and perhaps changed a bit, but I am still the lazy person as before and I feel painful to face the real person who l am. I don’t like me—don’t like the one who is not responsible enough for life and family. I feel guilty as though I were a robber who robs myself of my dreams and robs my parents of their expectation. I should be in the jail so that I won’t forget that I should do what I should do and never be too lazy to upset anyone. The saddest thing in the world is that one is upset by himself. I am shock to find I am the saddest one and pitiful one. Why should I be so? No reason but reasons are found in myself. I am sometimes confused that I always owe my failure to other people or factors, but every time I find later I am the one who is guilty. The past is the kind of memory full of errors, but I am not regret now to have done any of these. However, will I regret what I do in the future? I am not sure because I always reminded myself not to do things that I would regret in the future, but now the reminding system broke down and I am in a wrong direction for a long time with no one to save me out of it. I don’t like me and I don’t want to be the person who I don’t like any more and I know the only one who can lead me to the right direction is myself.
Anyway, recess week is near. I am happy and feel good in spite of the unnecessary thoughts. I don’t have a formal plan for it but I don’t want to go shopping as we just arrived or stay in front of the computer all day long. I prefer to stay in the Hall and do something I like. Therefore, to sum up, no shopping and not so long online. Others are not fixed, but already drawn in mind. It will be a nice holiday and things will turn out meaningful. Oh, perhaps I will spend some time in NUS. I generally like the place, but the fee of bus is quite high. I hope I can walk there if I can find someone to be with me, but probably can’t. Staying in my room is not a bad idea, if it will not be too noisy. It seems that life will be dull in the recess week. However, once it is here there will be things to do and they won’t be as dull as it seems.
Full of hope. Welcome to recess week……..and the good time in it.